What is the advantage of using A Loving Alternative Adoption Service Adoption Facilitator together with the services of an attorney or agency?

We, at Loving Alternative, focus 100% of our advertising efforts on locating potential birth parents. We only work with 20 to 25 active clients at a time; consequently, our average wait to be selected by a birth mother is 6 months for couples without children and 9 to 12 months for couples with a child.

Attorneys and agencies do not generally have an extensive search program. Their primary focus is to assist you on the emotional and legal aspects of the adoption process. By adding the services of A Loving Alternative Adoption Service, you may be reducing your wait to be selected by a birth mother from years to months

Why use A Loving Alternative Adoption Service Adoption Facilitator vs. running your own ads?

Cost:

Our fee provides you with two years of advertising. You will benefit from approximately $120,000 per year in multi-state advertising. You will benefit from our ads until you have a baby or for two years whichever comes first.
 
It is not uncommon for couples to spend thousands of dollars on newspaper advertising without getting results. In 1994 when we were a couple starting our own search, we personally spent $3,500 on 18 newspaper ads that ran for only two weekends. At the end of those two weeks we did not have a birth mother. We felt that there needed to be a better more reliable method for couples to find birth mothers considering adoption. This experience is what prompted us to start A Loving Alternative Adoption Service.
 
Stress:

When running your own newspaper ads you are talking to birth mothers who you know nothing about. You should answer calls 24 hours a day in order not to miss an opportunity. This is very stressful and risky since you have so much emotion invested. You may not be able to detach enough to properly access the risks, problems, etc.
 
A Loving Alternative Adoption Service answers the birth mother hot line 7 days a week 24 hours a day. We do not use answering services or voice mail. Birth mother calls are pre-screened for you. Before you have your first contact with the birth mother, you will already have some basic information about her. The birth mother has also already seen and read your "Dear Birth Mother Letter." We will coach you on how to handle your initial call to the birth mother.
 
Experience:

We have over seven years experience working with potential birth mothers. We have one person (who also adopted) that handles most of the birth mother calls. After doing this for seven years and talking to literally thousands of birth mothers, she has become very proficient at handling these calls. The initial call from a birth mother is a very important & emotional time. When calling A Loving Alternative Adoption Service, birth mothers are treated with respect and understanding. Our heartfelt approach is what prompts a birth mother to work with us, and as a result she will hopefully choose one of our families. Inexperienced individuals can become very nervous during these critical initial calls and can loose what might have been a good situation.

Why use A Loving Alternative Adoption Service vs. the Internet?

Although there have been some successes on the Internet most couples do not get contacted by many birth mothers through the Internet. True, there are literally millions of people on the Internet at any one time but the vast majority of those looking for adoption information are not birth mothers. Consequently, you can be inundated with inquires from everybody except those that you are looking for - birth mothers. Also, there is the misconception that all one needs to do is create a web site and they will come. Not necessarily true, search engines, i.e., yahoo, excite, etc., would need to be able to find your site. There is so much information out there, that individual’s web sites usually get lost amongst all the other sites. Our belief is that the Internet is not a place where adoptive parents should focus all of their search efforts. You should look at the Internet as just one of many resources available, but for adoptions, it is not the utopia that many believe it to be.
 
The other potential problem you need to be aware of is the proliferation of scams and misinformation being placed on the web. If you have watched the news recently the Internet can be a place where sick criminals play on the emotions of adopting couples by trying to sell infants, etc. Users beware!

What is a "Dear Birth Mother" letter?

Adopting Couples are asked to put together a letter addressed to birth mothers. This is what A Loving Alternative Adoption Service sends to birth mothers. Your letter should cover who you are as people, why you hope to adopt and what you hope to offer a child. Pictures are a very important part of the “Dear Birth Mother Letter.” Pictures should give a birth mother a glimpse into your life. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service will provide you guidelines for the content of your letter.

What happens after the initial birth mother call?

A Loving Alternative Adoption Service obtains preliminary information about potential birth mothers prior to presenting them to our clients. After the initial conversation with a birth mother, we advise our clients to keep their emotions in check until the following steps have been taken to substantiate the information.

1. Your adoption agency or attorney should do a phone assessment as soon as possible to advise you of any potential legal risks.
2. Proof of pregnancy and picture(s) are obtained.
3. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service strongly recommends that their clients arrange for a social worker or attorney in the birth mother’s state to do an initial face-to-face assessment of a birth mother. The cost of this one time assessment is typically between $100 and $300. This has proven to be a valuable step in protecting adoptive couples from going too far with a bad situation. A lot can come out in a face-to-face meeting that can be hidden in a phone call.

Will I be able to get pictures, detailed family background information,medical records, etc. before I speak to a birth mother?

In most cases a birth mother wants to pick an adopting couple and have at least one phone conversation before she provides every detail of her life. These women are looking for the right couple and the right adoption professional. They may be calling several places to learn about adoption and to find a couple they are interested in. Once a woman has had a chance to emotionally connect with you, and she decides you are the couple she wants to place her baby with, she will normally have no problem completing family background forms, medical releases, etc.
 
Typically, all of the information necessary for you to determine if this situation is right for you will be obtained within 2 to 3 weeks after that first phone call. During this period you should try not to become too emotionally involved, however just consider this as a tentative situation that needs more time and information to gel into a solid match. However, if you postpone your first phone call until you have all the necessary background forms, etc. you will limit yourself and possibly lose a potentially good situation.

Will I need to hire an adoption attorney or agency to handle all the legal aspects of the adoption?

Yes - you will need to use a reputable agency or attorney for all the legal aspects of the adoption. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service does not provide legal services. We strongly recommend using only licensed agencies or attorneys whose practices are limited to adoption. If necessary, we can provide you with referrals in your state.
 
When working with an out of state birth mother, you may also need to retain a second attorney or agency to insure that the laws of both states are abided by.

What is an adoption “Homestudy?

Prior to finalizing an adoption, all adopting parent(s) must complete an extensive “Homestudy” in their state. This “Homestudy” usually involves several interviews as well as medical, criminal & financial background checks. Upon successful completion, this “Homestudy” will certify that the adopting parent(s) are qualified to adopt. This process typically takes 30 to 60 days to complete. You need to discuss your states “Homestudy” requirements and fees with your local adoption agency or attorney. Most states require that you have a completed home study prior to taking custody of a child for adoption. It is sometimes possible to start your search for potential birth parents while you are completing your “Homestudy.”

How are adoption facilitators regulated?

Adoption facilitators must adhere to state laws and regulations. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service is based in California, and is therefore governed by their regulations. As defined by the State of California Family Code commencing with Chapter 1.5, Section 8623: Adoption facilitators may “Advertise for the purpose of soliciting parties to an adoption or locating children for an adoption or acting as an intermediary between the parties to an adoption.” Not all states allow adopting couples to use the services of an adoption intermediary or facilitator.  It is advisable that, before you hire an adoption facilitator, you check with a local adoption agency or attorney as to your state’s regulations.

Will I be required to pay living expenses for a birth mother?

Many states allow birth mothers to receive assistance with pregnancy related expenses. Laws do vary from state to state, however, you should anticipate living expenses of $1,000 to $3,000 (on average). We recommend adopting couples defer all expense-related issues to their attorney or agency. It is never a good idea to get into conversations about money with a birth mother. If a birth mother asks you a question about money you should say, "I understand your need and I will have my attorney/agency contact you to see if this expense is allowable."

How soon will I be expected to assist with birth parent living expenses?

This will vary from case to case based on the needs of the birth mother. Some women will not need help for a couple of months while others may have very immediate needs, (i.e., shelter, food, etc.).

It is not recommended that you give any financial assistance prior to receiving a proof of pregnancy. Once the proof of pregnancy is received you should rely on your attorney or agency for direction. Occasionally you may be asked to provide some assistance on an emergency bases while you are still deciding if this situation is one you are going to pursue. This "emergency" assistance should be limited in time and amount, again consult your attorney or agency for guidance in these situations.

Do I have to pay medical expenses?

The majority of the birth mothers that contact A Loving Alternative Adoption Service either have medical coverage or will qualify for medical coverage. We always encourage a woman to get state aid for her own protection in case of a medical emergency where costs can go sky high. Most birth mothers are willing to apply for coverage if they don’t already have it. If a birth mother has private insurance you will be asked to cover any co-pays or deductibles. All states allow for reimbursements to a birth mother for out of pocket medical expenses.

Can we specify the sex of the baby?

A Loving Alternative Adoption Service does not work with couples that are gender specific. Many of the birth parents that contact us do not know the sex of the child and most are too young to require an amniocentesis. Ultra sounds are not 100% accurate. It has happened many times that an ultrasound boy is born a girl or visa versa. Birth mothers connect emotionally to the couple they select and they are devastated when a couple decides not to adopt her child because of the sex.

How open do we need to be during and after the adoption process?

The degree of openness you have with birth parents depends on your comfort level. Most birth parents want to talk to you by phone and meet you once before the birth. Often times a birth mother wants to be able to talk to you to share her pregnancy with you. Prior to the birth you may find that some birth mothers rely on you emotionally. Often you may be the only person who is excited about her pregnancy. During the pregnancy these women’s lives are somewhat on hold and therefore they are more emotionally needy than they will be after the birth. If you are able to be a friend during this time and open yourself to her it can be the gel that holds your adoption together. At the time of birth when a birth mother is flooded with emotion she will think of who you are and it can reassure her of her decision.
 
Typically birth mothers want pictures and updates after the birth. Many times they don’t know if they will want the information sent on a regular basis or only upon request. Post placement contact should be well defined prior to the birth so that there is no confusion after the birth. We often talk to birth mothers about this on our initial intake, however a councilor or social worker should spend time later in the process defining what a woman wants for post placement contact, since her needs may change during the pregnancy.
 
A small percent of birth mothers want visitation after the birth and a small percent of adopting couples are comfortable with that degree of openness. You will not be presented to birth parents that want visitation after birth, unless you have specified that you are open to that type of contact. The degree of openness is up to you.

How long does it typically take to be chosen by a birth mother?

Although we cannot give you a guarantee, our average is typically 6 to 9 months. Couples with kids sometimes have to wait longer - typically 9 to 12 months. Openness to race or special circumstances can shorten your wait.
 
Our goal is to introduce you to a birth mother in the shortest amount of time possible, however we cannot give a time guarantee since birth mothers must ultimately select adoptive parents. We will present your “Dear Birth Mother Letters” to birth parents, however we cannot influence a birth mother in her selection of adoptive parents.

How many couples does A Loving Alternative Adoption Service work with at a time?

We limit our number of active clients to between 20 and 25, which enables us to maximize each client’s exposure. This is one of the main advantages A Loving Alternative Adoption Service has over other facilitators. Often times attorneys or facilitators will tell you they spend X amount on advertising, but what they fail to tell you is that they take in an unlimited number of clients, which slows the process down and increases the wait.

Does A Loving Alternative Adoption Service stay involved after a birth mother selects the adoptive parents?

Once you are working with a birth mother your attorney or agency should take a lead role in taking the adoption to the next step. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service will work with your attorney or agency, and we will stay in touch with you and the birth mother throughout the process.

How often does a birth mother change her mind?

The goal is to determine a woman’s commitment prior to the birth of a baby. It is strongly recommended that birth mothers receive counseling prior to the birth by a counselor who specializes in adoption related issues. This counseling can help a woman prepare for the flood of emotions she may feel at birth. It should also help uncover any ambivalence she may have about adoption. When a birth mother is properly counseled and assessed by a good adoption attorney or agency throughout the process the chances of her changing her mind at birth are greatly diminished - to about one out of twenty.

What rights do birth father’s have?

If a woman is legally married her husband is the presumed father and his rights are equal to hers, he must also agree to the adoption. If the identified birth father is not married to the birth mother he is called an assumed father and his rights will vary from state to state. Birth fathers that are supportive of the adoption will meet with an adoption attorney or agency in their state who will advise him of the laws and obtain his consent to the adoption. Time frames for the consent will vary from state to state.
 
If a birth father is not willing to sign papers and is not in agreement with the adoption it is important that he be contacted immediately by your attorney or agency to determine if he wants to parent or if he is just being difficult. If a birth father will not willingly consent to the adoption, but he is not going to fight it, there may be steps that can be taken to terminate his rights altogether. Again, these steps vary from state-to-state and you will need to consult with your attorney or agency to determine how to proceed.

What is the profile of a typical birth mother?

Since beginning this business in 1994 we have encountered many types of situations. One thing that surprises most couples is the fact that most unwed teens do not place their children for adoption. The younger the woman the more likely she is to parent.  Also, certain ethnic groups are less likely to place.
 
The average birth mother is in her 20s. About 50% of the women we work with have one or more children that they are parenting. These women know what it takes to raise a child and they feel they are not able to give another child the emotional or financial security he or she may need without taking away from the kid(s) she already has. Most women who make the decision to place a child for adoption do so because they cannot afford to raise a child. Lack of financial resources is the number one reason women consider adoption.

What are birth mothers looking for in an adoptive couple?

Most birth mothers are hoping to find a loving home for their child. You do not need to be the youngest, most attractive, richest couple to be selected. Birth mothers are attracted to couples who convey genuine warmth and honesty in their letters. You should not try to be something you are not in order to be selected. Put your heart on paper and it will attract a birth mother that is looking for the things you have to offer.

Some birth mothers have preferences about different things, which are usually uncovered during the initial phone call. These preferences usually involve religion, lifestyle, etc. Out of the thousands of birth mothers we have talked to over the years we have learned there is someone for everyone. The key is exposure and getting your letter out to as many birth mothers as possible.

We already have one or two children; will a birth mother still choose us?

Although some birth mothers do say they prefer a couple without kids, at least 40% of our clients already have children and they are still able to successfully adopt a second or even a third child. If you have children the average wait is nine to twelve months, rather than six months for couples without kids.

Are we too old to adopt?

Over the years we have found birth mothers are more interested in a couples lifestyle and attitude than their chronological age. If you have an active, youthful lifestyle chronological age may not be an issue. The average adoptive couple is in their early 40s. However, we have had many successful adoptions where a couple is in their late 40s and even early 50s. How you present yourself in the birth mother letter will have a large effect on the selection process.

How many couples does A Loving Alternative Adoption Service present to a birth mother?

While talking to a birth mother, we ask what she is hoping to find in an adoptive couple. We ask her questions such as:

• Does their religion matter?
• Do you want a stay at home mother
• Are you hoping to have any post placement contact? If so, how much
• Are you open to a couple that has one or more children?
• Are there any other traits or characteristics you hope to find?

Based on her answers to these questions, we send her birth mother letters that fit her requirements. Typically we send 5 to 10 letters per call. Because we only work with a limited number of clients, you do not have to compete with hundreds of other couples looking to adopt.

Can we specify that we only want birth mothers from a specific State?

Technically yes, however we would not recommend our services if that were your desire. A Loving Alternative Adoption Service provides multi-state advertising and if you limit your criteria to only one or two states you would only benefit from a small fraction of our ads.

What percentage of the fees we pay to A Loving Alternative Adoption Service are directed toward advertising?

A Loving Alternative Adoption Service focuses all of our efforts on locating birth parents that are looking to place their infant’s for adoption. By design we are not the biggest, which allows us to keep our overhead expenses to a minimum. We are 100% owner operated and do not spend money on fancy offices, secretaries or other superficial expenses. By operating in this manner we are able to allocate approximately 90% of our operating expenses on advertising. This advertising is all geared toward locating potential birth mothers. To our knowledge — nobody in this industry spends this much (as a percentage) on advertising. Also, by limiting the number of our active clients, each client receives a maximum return on their investment (ROI).